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Thursday, December 13, 2012

I'm bad for me

Oh, it's been a while!
I sometimes ask myself why I have this blog, really.

I'm on a diet. An internet diet. If you're reading this, then you need to be on a diet, too!
For almost two years, I've been addicted to Twitter. I frequented many other useless and 'social' websites but it was mainly Twitter. On October 30, however, I realised that if I wanted to succeed in anything that matters in life, I had to quit. Cold turkey.

I'm a student. Always have been. Students must dedicate all of their effort and time to studying. That, alas, is easier said than done. I know it's wrong to keep blaming my depression but I've tried a lot to study well. I just feel that sort of despair you feel when you think that you, and whatever you're doing, are completely worthless. I also commute to school every day and am therefore too tired when I get home to study or concentrate. I think that gives you a brief description of my marks.

So I've cut down my internet use. Abuse, rather. And, since there's less than a month towards the beginning of my finals, I decided to start studying right away. But that was last week!

I hope I can do something about it before it's too late!

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Uselessness

I haven't done this for quite a long time, but it was custom for me to blog in the early hours of the morning that are the late hours of the night. I have absolutely nothing on mind so I'll just tell you--whoever you are--what's up.
I've finished my second year in university. Again. (I'll share details later.)
For eight, nay nine, days I've been in a vacation that is to last for more than a month and a half. Nothing to do. No plans, no ambitions. I just have to refresh some of the knowledge that I've come to acquire in the course of the past few years. Just to practise some of the useless skills I have. Skills as useless as a wedding gift, to use a useless simile.
Maybe also read a few books. Novels, plays, short stories. Nothing of real value really. But again that's what my life has come to recently. Emptiness.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

My to-don't list

I shall never...


1. Compile a to-do list.
2. Write poems.
3. Date.
4. Let anyone take photographs of me.
5. Engage in any activity--friendly or otherwise--with members of the iPhone crowd.
6. Be ashamed of my religion and faith.
7. Be ashamed of my own opinions.
8. Claim to know that of which I'm ignorant.
9. Interrupt people or in any way be a bad listener.
10. Engage in an argument with anyone that won't listen/understand.
11. Ask rhetorical questions.
12. Doubt myself simply because everybody else around disagrees.
13. Let my emotions control me--most importantly, not be able to contain my anger.
14. Dance, clap, or sing.
15. Judge people by their looks.
16. Idolize political figures, inanimate objects, and money.
17. Give in to OCD or depression again.
18. Care what people think.
19. Not consider people's point of view, especially in disputes.
20. Make a clown/fool of myself.
21. Try to control anyone's life in any way.
22. Pretend to like babies.
23. Stop learning languages.
24. Act condescendingly.
25. Smoke.
26. STOP QUESTIONING EVERYTHING!

In no particular order.
And I know it's very contradictory and inconsistent!

Friday, May 4, 2012

Sick of y'all

WARNING: I was mentally and emotionally exhausted when I wrote this. It may seem (and be, for that matter) incoherent.

I have not "blogged" for a while.
Why I am writing now has nothing to do with that, however. I am sat here now because I'm sick. Sick of people. Sick of the way they make their decisions, and, most of all, of the way they choose their words.

Let's face it. Most of us don't choose their words. Now, I'm not talking about grammar or the richness of one's vocabulary. That's another story. The point I'm trying to raise is that some people talk without thinking.
Most of us readily utter the stupidest 'excuse' ever: "I was angry!" This sentence drives me insanely angry.

If you can't handle your anger, just don't talk to people!

Try listening to any argument in which you are not involved. (Because if you are (involved), chances are you won't be able to think clearly, if at all.) Almost all of the arguments I've heard only include this theme or one of its variations: "I'm right. You're wrong." Nobody ever tries to say anything that supports their argument, and the other part, in turn, only negate the first person's argument. One of my debating principles to which I adhere strictly is this: Simply negating an argument won't refute it. Simply saying someone is wrong doesn't prove them to be.

OK, I can't go on for longer; as I'm too angry.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Weakness

Just let me get straight to the point.
I'm weak. Physically, intellectually, and, worst of all, of character. It's my only weakness, but it's killing me.

I've always been like that. I guess it has something to do with the fact that I was made believe that I'm a worthless fool. I was told it. I was treated accordingly. I wasn't given the attention I needed. I was inevitably deprived of love, of  family, of proper education.

My physical weakness began almost four years ago. When I started going to university, to be more specific. I have multiple vitamin deficiencies. I get tired easily. And I'm mostly fatigued and lethargic. Supplements don't seem to be helping.

Given that I've wasted two significant years of my life, two years of mental stagnation, I can't seem to focus well or function well cognitively.

I don't know why I'm saying all this. Just blowing off some steam, I guess.

Friday, February 17, 2012

The world through my I's

I've recently found out that I'm lost. I've figured I can't think. And now it's obvious that nothing is clear to me.

I'm a second-year university student, (Nomenclature may vary depending on where the reader is. HI to the reader, by the way!) and I still haven't made a clear notion of what my path will be like. I've never been a bad student. It's just that I'm distracted and depressed. Socializing is my main problem, though.

 I'm not afraid to admit that I'm a coward. Although I don't interpret it as fear, I find it very difficult to socialize, make new friends, or even talk to people. Not really difficult, no. More like pointless. Negative thoughts--basically that nobody will ever like me; that I don't deserve attention--flood me all the time.
And that forces me to avoid people--potential friends, and current friends as well--which in turn gives people the impression that I don't care. That I'm weird and unbefriendable.

Look at me, rambling about myself in the most repulsive manner. Only proving that I'm an intolerable weirdo.